I'm Back...

Sometimes the things we experience in life come not to teach us lessons about others, sometimes the experience comes to teach us lessons about ourselves... -Me


So I've been pretty quiet for awhile. Love, has a way of tying you up and enveloping you deep in its groove. Although I enjoy the rhythm, I figured it was time I come up for air and get back to some of the things I've missed so much. Life has been good. When I started writing this blog over a year ago I was in such a different place. I was the single girl going through the motions that came with dating  and I wanted to chronicle that along with other areas of my life. I felt like my life was colorful and I wanted to share some of those colors with people who were open to listening. I've always loved to write and the idea of sharing a small piece of my thoughts, experiences, and opinions was therapeutic.

Today, I'm still that same colorful girl except I'm no longer on the dating scene. *cues the music* I met a man, who if he walked out of my life today, has raised my standard for the love I am willing to accept and deserve in my life. In the span of a year I've gone from planning dates to now planning a future with someone. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. It's a weird notion to describe because although I felt I was ready for love I seldom felt like it had to happen immediately. He simply sauntered into my life, made it clear what he wanted from me, showed me what I needed to see, and then waited for me to oblige. After awhile, I couldn't say no and since then I haven't regretted having said yes.

As much as some of us desire love, when it comes we haven't the slightest clue what to do with it. I'm learning new things about myself everyday because of him and it's one of the things I love most about what we share. I'm learning that it's okay to not be so strong all the time. I'm learning that it's okay to depend on someone and that doing so is not a sign of weakness. My optimism about love continues because of him. One, because he loves and respects me and himself enough not to taint it; and two, because he believes that our story is simply that, OUR STORY, and that it is up to us to create the story we want for our lives. He nor I are perfect but we're committed to seeing past each other's imperfections and doing our best to make the great things about each other shine. He's taught me that when you're willing to do that the things that are less important get lost in the shade. Real love makes you realize there's no room for the small insignificant matters in the light.

So the pieces are slowly falling together and as I look around I realize that very little of it had to do with my master plan I had foolishly created for my life. Some things just have a way of happening, that is, if you let them. I've never professed to be an expert when it comes to relationships but I've learned a few things:

1. Put all your preconceived notions aside because matters of the heart seldom unfold the way we think they will. You've read every magazine and book, watched every movie, and listened to every friend. Now chalk it up to one thing, that person's experience. Your story will more than likely be unique and although you may be able to pull from outside resources, the likelihood that you will share the exact same story with someone else is slim. Remember, this is about creating your story, not replicating someone else's.

2. Be less stringent about your list of must haves, especially on the things that don't pertain to who a person actually is. Take your list of must haves and ask yourself a question. How many items on the list are things you actually will be able to bring to the table at this very moment? I hear a lot of folks tooting about their personal potential with a list of must haves from here to Jerusalem. Potential is defined as possible, as opposed to actual. It may be time to fine tune your list.

By no means am I encouraging anyone to settle. I am, however, asking you to look beyond the surface. Values and moral compass are important, they're non negotiable. Is the type of car a person drives or the amount of commas in the balance of their bank account equally important? Money can buy you an expensive mattress, high thread count sheets, down comforters, luxury goose down pillows, and a fur throw but it won't necessarily put someone beside you in that bed that genuinely wants to be there. Ask yourself how important those qualities are that don't necessarily determine who a person truly is. Remember, most people have to climb the ladder to get to what they are destined to be. You may be overlooking someone on the ascend.

3.Be realistic, I can't stress this enough. Don't try to change anyone, it doesn't work. Be honest about who a person is and determine if you can afford to have them be in your life. If it bothers you now, the likelihood is that it will continue to bother you later. I hear people airing out their current and former significant others all the time for being horrible people and I always wonder to myself did the person never exhibit signs of who they really were. A leopard can change his spots but for how long? I've been there and I can say that in most cases the signs are there. Too often we choose not to see them. Simply put, when a person shows you who they are, believe them. Even GOD allows us free will. People change if and when they are ready and not a moment sooner.

4. Know your self worth. I have said this so many times. People, in most cases, treat us the way we teach them to. If we are uncertain about ourselves, trust that the people that we allow into our lives will be uncertain about how to treat us as well. Fall in love with you before you decide to fall in love with someone else. It makes all the difference. There's a difference in what we are willing to accept from someone, especially early on, when we operate in this fashion. Also remember that no one completes you. The right person will fill spaces in your life you never knew existed but they will not make you whole. That, my friend, is a job meant especially for you.

5.Commit to someone when you're ready. This is why I bought my yorkie Titus some years back. I figured that when I got lonely, I'd have my dog. It sounds crazy, right? I think having someone in your life that clearly is not what you need or want for the sake of not being alone or for what people think is crazier. My dog has given me unconditional love, loyalty, and minimal headaches for the past five years. I'd rather be crazy than foolish. Being lonely is not a reason to be in a relationship, it's a reason to get out and figure out what you enjoy doing, find a hobby. Loneliness is the catalyst that drives a lot people into the arms of the wrong one, I've had missteps along the way but I've been able to get back up and brush myself off with no more than possible hurt feelings and a story to tell after moving along. Take your time. Evaluate what you're getting yourself into and be sure that it's what you're ready for. Be sure that you know that you are enough on your own so that you never doubt if you are enough with someone else. Relationships are work and you have to be sure that you are in the right place and ready to do what it takes if you decide to venture down that path.

All in all I have to say that where I am has made the wait totally worth it. Although none of us knows what tomorrow brings, I'm confident that it will bring me one day closer to where I am supposed to be. It's possible to have everything you truly deserve and there isn't any need to believe anything less than that. Remember that what you've decided that you want and what you actually deserve are not always one in the same. In most cases, the latter ends up being much better. Being jaded and pessimistic are defense mechanisms we carry from one relationship to another. Work those kinks out before you decide to enter into something new. I'm not telling you it will always be sunny, I'm simply saying it doesn't always rain. Exercise patience and in the meantime work what you can and leave the rest to work itself out. I'm looking forward to more chats with you, not just about love but about all the goings on in life! Talk to you really soon!!!

My Time- A Love Affair Mini Series- Part IV

The faint smell of perfume in my truck makes my stomach turn. As I pull away from the house that was once so filled with love I can't help but to stare in the rear view window as I have done so many times before. The further my SUV creeps down the tree lined street the smaller the house appears. In time it will disappear. I wonder if this is reminiscent of my life.

Things were different tonight. I am losing her. I tell myself that things will get better, they will be just like they were before but I know that I am fooling myself. Although she wants to, I know that she could never love a man like me again. I am a fool who allowed his pride to ruin the most beautiful thing I've ever had... I hear the thoughts as they dance through my mind but I know that I will never utter the words. Again, it is my pride that won't allow me to admit what I know is the truth.

You have made a complete mess of this and as a result you have lost your family and the only woman you have ever truly loved...

I turn up the volume of the stereo to help drown my thoughts. It is all I can seem to do anymore. Even my mind has betrayed me and has taken sides with my wife...

How much longer will I be able to call her that...?

I want to turn around and go back. I want to run back into her arms and tell her how sorry I am, how foolish I've been, how it is time that I come home and she and I become "us" again but my body will not oblige with the thoughts in my head. It is a battle I have been fighting for far too long and I seem to be losing. I take a drink from the open bottle at my feet. It burns as it goes down. The taste is not pleasing but it numbs the pain and I take it as an even trade. I am a failure. I failed as a husband and as a result, I am now failing as a father. My children are old enough to understand and, naturally, they have sided with their mother. I hurt her. The truth is I have hurt them too. My son doesn't even look me in the eyes when he speaks to me and I can't find the words to make them understand. I suppose that there are none...

I miss her. They way that you miss something that is apart of you when it is gone. I find myself pretending that she is still by my side to feel complete. I have become so lost that I am unable to find my way back and like most men in this predicament I am too stubborn to ask for directions. I go to the counseling every week but it doesn't seem to help. This was her idea and I do not understand how telling a perfect stranger about our lives will make anything better. I go because I want to make her happy though. It is the least that I can do.

I know that she stopped loving me the way that I needed her to but it is because I stopped loving myself. I looked for what I could no longer find at home elsewhere and somewhere along the way I lost a piece of me too. I used to tell my children that the grass may look greener on the other side but you haven't a clue what it takes to keep it that way. Even I didn't understand the gravity of what I was telling them until now. I'd give anything for the solace and the peace of where I used to be.With my wife... I love her in a way that cannot be explained, so I ceased telling and showing her. She is truly my better half and I know that, more than likely, I will never get her back.

I turn the truck into the desolate motel parking lot that has become my new home, pull into my usual spot, and turn off the ignition. My mind continues to wander as I listen to the motor softly hiss and the car dies down. I have to remember to take it in for maintenance tomorrow morning. I gather my belongings that I picked up from the house and take the usual path, up the flight of steps to my room door. As I approach, I drop some of my clothing and I bend to pick them up. As I retrieve the last of my belongings the door to the room flies open and the scent of that same cheap perfume from my car that always seems to make me want to regurgitate invades my senses and it is all I can do to not throw up.

"Papi, where have you been all day? I've been waiting for you," the female voice says.

I walk into the place that has now become my home, with the woman who says she is now my wife, and wonder how on GOD's green earth did I let this become my life...

My Time- A Love Affair Mini Series- Part III

It has been some time that has passed. I have been roaming this empty house all alone. Like a woman without purpose.  Thinking, about all of the memories good and bad that were shared here. Wondering, if there would be anymore memories to create in this shell of a home. Worried, still worried about him. Has he eaten, is he taking care of himself, what is he doing? But then I try to shake it off. I turn my focus on the children. Telling myself that the children are all I need and that my faith….my faith in the Lord will sustain me. I just can't seem to say those words without a hefty sigh. A sigh that betrays my optimism. Words that express a deep reality of my spirit but just another beautiful phrase my heart questions.

It isn't that I don't believe it but how much more praying can one woman do? God I'd never thought I would ever say that out loud. But none the less I do not give up. But I took my pastor's advise and He and I are seeing a marriage counselor. It's not that God cannot fix all things but sometimes you just need a third-party. I couldn't even tell you if it's working. I'm not sure how much I want it to work. We go alone and we go together. When we are there together it just seems like we are there to place blame. It's a process that I wasn't prepared for. Who can prepare themselves for something like this?

I mean after all I figured why not counseling. It's the new hip thing to do. Lord knows the water is shallow out there. And the fish, well everyone knows that fish in shallow waters don't develop well. I mean what am I to do now? Oh my God to start dating ALL OVER AGAIN. At my age and with my tolerance.

I don't know why I keep walking around the house like I am looking for something, someone.
I find myself circling his closet. I keep staring at an old pair of sneakers. "God I hate these sneakers."

But he loves them. He always said they were the most comfortable shoes that he ever had. I always asked him to throw them away but he always said that he couldn't because in a silly way they reminded him of us. How great we fit together. How although time has beaten them up a little they always seem to carry him home comfortably. He always said, the left and right shoe were made for each other, and that is just how we were made for each other, comfortable and perfect. Maybe we got too comfortable.

"I should have bought him new sneakers."

"Is that the door?"

I open the door and there he is. He's come to pick up some more of his things.

After he's gathered some clothing we just circle each other with our eyes in the kitchen. Staring at each other with nothing to say. What is he thinking? I wonder if he really wants to come back home?

Should I say something?

"How have you been?"

Wow she has really nothing to say to me. She just answers with a simple nod. She looks like she's been crying. I wish I could make this right but I just don't know how to say it. I don't know how to fix what we messed up. I don't even know if she feels like some of this is on her too.

"How's work?" I ask him. "It's ok." He no longer has anything else to say to me but just it's ok.

When did it get so awkward between us. I remember all the nights we beat the sun up just talking and laughing. Enjoying each other the way two new college kids would just trying to get to know each other. In this same kitchen where we cooked countless dinners for our children. Where I cooked her many of romantic breakfasts. We were such great lovers. We would make love all night until the hour-glass was worn out from being turned over and over. But now we stand in the same kitchen. A kitchen which is now just a museum of what used to be. I wonder what she is doing in this house alone all the time. I know it scares her. She has to hate being alone here.
If only an embrace could fix all of our problems like the first time we had a fight twenty years ago. There were no apologies, no I'm sorrys just a hug and a kiss on the forehead. Then talked about what movie we were going to cuddle on the couch and watch.

I wish my thoughts would stop bombarding me with all the different scenarios and what would have been. I am so tired of all the fighting and the bickering. But how do I express that without sounding like I am nagging. If he would just hug me and kiss me on the forehead right now I would just leave everything in God's hands and pray that he helps me forget and move on with my husband. I wonder if he would. If only he…

I guess I should go. It doesn't look like she has anything to say to me.

"Well OK, so I'll see you around at the next session. It was good to see you. Bye."

"Yes, take care of yourself, see you next week."

 

My Time, A Love Affair- A Mini Series Part II

A Blog Mini-Series written by: AR Garcia/DominicanSoul www.thedominicansoul.com & Rolanda/The_MissRoShow www.chroniclesofasinglista.blogspot.com


Love has a funny way of enveloping you. It seeps through every pore of your being when it's real. It gives you the kind of strength that makes you feel like a king sitting on your throne at the top of the world. And if only for a moment, you feel like there isn't anything you can't do. That's what Her love did for me, at least at the very beginning...

When I met Her. I knew that she was the fulfillment of GOD's promise to me. She was more than I had ever imagined she could be. She was beautiful. She moved with such grace and beauty that I found myself in awe of who and what she was at times. I knew from the moment I'd laid eyes on her that she'd be the mother of my children, my wife... She was my rib and I wanted to make her mine as quickly as possible in order to be whole again. I remember laying beside her as she slept trying to match the rhythmic sounds she would make as she breathed ever so quietly. She soothed my stormy spirit and made me feel like no other woman had before. I made her my wife and we created a family, a happiness that I never thought a man like I could experience.

We took long strolls under moonlit skies and as she would place her hand softly in mine, I knew that she had entrusted me with her heart just the same. Her love made me feel strong, only the way a real woman's love does.The pieces of my puzzle were complete and our happily ever after had begun...

I look back on the life we shared today and wonder how our love died. How something so sacred could simply come to an end. I look at her and she is not the same woman anymore. Her once smooth skin is etched with wrinkled lines that tell many a story. Hey once dark mane has grayed ever so slightly. Despite what the years have brought she is even more beautiful than when I first laid eyes on her. Time has been kind to her, and though I know that I didn't make it easy for her, she has lost that sparkle I once saw in her eyes. She doesn't look at me the same... To her I am only half a man and that I simply cannot accept.

In our daily struggles of raising our children and keeping our home she lost her way in loving me. She forgot about me and my needs. She became lost in being a mother and forgot how to be a wife. Somewhere along the way she forgot how to be my friend. She doesn't make me feel strong anymore, I no longer feel whole...I have felt that I am simply another task on her list of things to do. I wonder what happened to the promises we made, the dreams we dreamt, the plans we had for the rest of our lives together and I am saddened.

I'd hear her trying to stifle her cries at night and I'd be too afraid to reach for her because the truth is I simply wasn't who I used to be...  We had become strangers. I was a fraction of the man she once loved and I didn't know how to get the rest of me back.

I thought I'd find it in cheap motel rooms with loose women who I knew there could never be anything more with than lust. I'd sit in my car before returning home on those nights, disgusted by the scent of cheap perfume and alcohol, and wonder why I couldn't find the words to say what I know needed to be said. I felt even smaller because as a man I knew I didn't possess the power to fix this...

Giggles and laughter turned to cries and loud screams

Starry gazes turned to evil stares

The kindest words turned to the most hateful actions

Happily ever after turned to the end

Is it me?

I often ask myself that question. I ask myself, is it something that I have done? Maybe I changed. Maybe I forgot how to love her. Maybe I am not enough anymore. Perhaps, I am not as strong as she once thought. I've lost my intrigue.

I am a man

I come from great men before me

My sons are a testament to who I am

My old hands have built a home and provided for a family

Sure I am hurt and in pain

But I will emerge from this just like I have been victorious and favored in everything else in my life.

Because I could no longer face her I fled. I left what was the home we built, the life we created for ourselves to find me. Before I am anything else, I am a man and it is something I believe she no longer sees. However selfish it is, it is something I must do for me and I know that it is something she will never understand. Somewhere in nurturing our lives she forgot how to love me, how to make me strong, how to make me feel whole. Perhaps I did the same. All I know is that our fairytale has come to an end and that nothing but bitterness remains... TO BE CONTINUED

My Time, A Love Affair- A Mini Series

A Blog Mini-Series written by: AR Garcia/DominicanSoul- www.thedominicansoul.com & Rolanda/The_MissRoShow - www.chroniclesofasinglista.blogspot.com




A little over a decade ago my mother taught me possibly the most important lesson in dealing with women and relationships. As my parents went through a divorce my father easily moved on as I watched my mother suffer in what I can only describe as agony. I heard and saw my mother weep every night over what was now the death of her marriage and the end of what was once a complete picture perfect family. There would be no more family vacations, no more family photos. There would be no more my husband can't make it because he is working. Or my husband is at my son's baseball game and that's why they couldn't make it. Or, my daughter wanted to go ice skating so my husband took her but they will be back in a couple of hours. My mother would no longer tell her friends that they would have to call her back because the kids and her husband were all on the bed watching a movie that she really didn't care for but was down for it just the same because all of us were watching it. There would be NO more of that!



I got tired of hearing my mother cry through the thin sheet rock walls and finally got the courage to go into her room and ask her why she cried for a man who obviously didn't care for her anymore?

Early that morning in her room she was getting ready for work. Putting on her make-up in front of her vanity. I stood there behind her waiting for my moment and courage to kick in to ask her what I went in there for. Looking through the mirror with her eyes puffy from crying and she trying very fervently to cover it up with foundation, she asked, "Whats on your mind Son?" I asked her, Do you regret it all? "No" she said. She continued to put her make-up on. As I started to walk out she said, "The only thing I regret is that he wasted My Time and I can't get that back."

See I knew that she wasn't talking about us. She wasn't talking about the family she had acquired, the memories, the good times with him or her children. But the fact that he knew years ago that he didn't want to be with her and he so selfishly made her waste her time. She could have moved on.

But she didn't ever. She's a beautiful woman. But she never moved on. Maybe you can't move on after you've had Real Love. I honestly don't know.

This is a story, a mini-series if you will of a real Torrid Love Affair between two people...



I remembered love filled promises. All night whispered conversations about our favorite children's names. I remember long walks on the beach. Walks in which took place under worry-less circumstances. I remember holding hands under starlit skies and full moons. If we couldn't get to the beach you would make sure to find the stars in the neighborhood. Our fingers locked. Our smiles glued to our faces. Our souls intertwined and bound for a life destined for happiness. I remember our souls aligned and… and deep hearted laughter. Early morning phone calls to remind each other that we had something special. That we had something More than just something More in common.

You always preferred calling because you said you loved to hear my voice in the morning.
I remember finishing his sentences. He would give me a special nod to reassure me that he had finished my thought, you know.

We made dreams a reality. We turned our goals into a walk down the aisle, into a home, and then children to fill it all. See, we just didn't build a home. We built memories. We were rich with love and moral prosperity.

I remember the recitals you said you could never make because of work but always made. How you were there to see our children take their first steps right until you walked them down the aisle when it was their turn.

We took so much time to focus on our dreams and sand the pillars we had built. We focused so much on being a whole that we began to forget who we were as individuals.

I find myself after all these years with nothing more than memories. Something has changed. My love, is not the same. He, is not the same. My time with him is not what it was.

We don't laugh anymore. We don't walk anymore.

The tender whispers we shared have become idle threats and loud cries in the serenity that we built together.

Is it me?

I often ask myself that question. I ask myself, is it something that I have done? Maybe I changed. Maybe I forgot how to love him. Maybe I am not enough anymore. Perhaps, I am not as beautiful as he once thought. I've lost my intrigue.

At this stage in our lives all that matters is the time that we share. And what we do with that time. We have fulfilled all of our obligations to our family. Now its our time. But it seems as though he no longer can find the time for me. I'm filled with regret and frustration. Anger and disbelief. Pain and hurt. Confusion and ailments I lack words to describe.

Then I realize after much inquiry that it is not me that has altered the agreement we made to each other over twenty years ago. But it was Him. He's chosen to find affections elsewhere. To give his heart which he placed in my hands a long time ago to nurture and protect to another. He took it upon himself to bury the dreams and the memories. To tarnish the purity of what God blessed and our children benefitted from.

So he took it upon himself to put our love in a Casket as he galavants like an old-young fool around with a woman who couldn't be me if I taught her myself how to be so. He trades in his Queen for a Peasant in which he can stain and dirty the filthiest motel sheets adulterating money can buy.

There is no love.

Where is the respect that I earned years ago?

But, that's ok.

He thinks now that after all these years he can discard me. Destroy me.
He forgets who I am. Who I have been.

I am a Woman!

My name resounds strength.

My smile shines light on what is truth.

And my eyes tell a story of pride and joy in the middle of adversity.

Sure I am hurt and I am in pain.

But I will emerge from this just like I have been victorious and favored in everything else in my life.
 
So you go girl. You can have him. You can have the scraps of a man who I used to call a husband. You two together is just yesterday's paper on today's kitchen table, Obsolete. I won't be bitter. I won't let hate and anger consume me. Instead, I will wish you the two the best. And hope sweetie, that he doesn't turn your love into this grave that we used to call a marriage.

I wish most of it wasn't a mirage. I can get love back. I can laugh again. Maybe I will even cry over a man again. I don't feel like I wasted my life.

I just wish you wouldn't have wasted my time.
Because my time, is all that I can't get back.
TO BE CONTINUED...

We Are Trayvon Martin...

     Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Trayvon Martin left the home of his father's fiancee on the evening of February 26, 2012 for a quick run to the convenience store for a pack of skittles and iced tea before the start of the NBA All Star Game. He never knew that fate would allow him to cross paths with George Zimmerman and that the events that would transpire between them would ensure that he never made it back. At the age of 17, Trayvon Martin's life was snatched away from him before, most would agree, it ever really had the opportunity to begin.

It could have been anyone of our brothers, our sons, our cousins, our friends... The murder of Trayvon Martin and the subsequent lack of action by the Sanford, FL police department takes me back to a time where it was okay to kill a black person simply because of the color of their skin or because we were seen as being inferior. I may not have actually lived through those times but I learned about them, studied about them, gained a passion for the struggle that the people that came before me had to endure so that I would never forget and never take for granted what they had to go through so that I could be where I am today.

There have been times when I've believed that we have gotten over the "hump" of racism in America. I was fortunate enough to attend President Barack Obama's inauguration back in 2009. I mark it as one of the greatest events of my life. Not only was I proud to see an African American man, and his fully functioning family, sworn into the highest office in the world, but I swelled with pride at the solidarity that I witnessed on that cold January day in 2009. Patrons had to walk for miles to get to the Capitol Building and I vividly remember the sense of pride I felt at seeing all the supporters of our first black president. There were people from all over the world, of every nationality and belief and we were all there for the very same reason. I remember how we shared stories of how we'd been fortunate enough to get tickets to the historical event and how we traveled from near and far.  As we stood shoulder to shoulder and arm in arm, both because the crowd was so massive and to keep warm, I felt a sense of peace. From above I imagined that we had to have appeared as a sea of black, yellow, brown, and white and I thought it remarkable at just how far we collectively had come.

Fast forward to present day, it's been almost a month since Tracy Martin and Sybrina Fulton, lost their son to the hands of overzealous, self appointed "neighborhood watch captain" George Zimmerman and an arrest still has yet to be made. On the night in which the murder took place Zimmerman pleaded self defense as he stood over the slain body of  Trayvon Martin who was weaponless, had never been in any sort of trouble, and who's cries for help could clearly be heard by ear witnesses whose conversations were recorded as they called to report what was happening to the Sanford Police. There were no drug or alcohol tests performed on him nor was a background check done. I've seen and heard of men receiving more scrutiny after simply being pulled over while driving by the police.

This is a rude awakening that even though we've come far, there is still a long way to go. It saddens me because I know that one day I am going to give birth to greatness, and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to teach him that. I'm saddened because I know that I will have to also teach him that the world may not always view him that way. Like Trayvon, some people in the world may view him as another statistic, with an axe to grind and a reason to lock your doors or to clutch your bag as he makes his way past.

I'm mad because on February 27, 2012 George Zimmerman woke up in his bed, more than likely surrounded by family for support and Trayvon Martin didn't wake up because he was in a morgue, with no family surrounding him because there was no attempt made to notify them, (even though he was in possession of his cell phone), until his father reported him missing that morning upon realizing that his son had never made it home. The saddest part is that he never would...

I troll the major news stations hoping that there is a call to action and a push to make an arrest and the most I see are a few short segments and then they move on to the asinine actions of the Republican candidates or the recently released movie "Hunger Games" and it takes me to a place I'd rather not detail. I wonder if a young black man's loss of life isn't enough to anger everyone or has the fact that is happens at too alarming a rate desensitized everyone? Does his life only deserve a few short segments on the very same networks who were ready to burn Casey Anthony at the stake for her callous attitude and the part we all believe she played in the death of her daughter, Caylee Anthony. Is George Zimmerman any different? I wonder if it's who committed the crime that has made "mainstream" America slow to act or who lost their life? Which is the issue in this case?

This is different though. We heard the tape of Zimmerman's call to 911. We know that he deemed Trayvon "suspicious" and "up to no good" because he was wearing a hoodie even though he had detailed that it was raining that night in the beginning of the call. We know that he followed Trayvon even after being advised by the dispatcher not to do so. We know that Trayvon was on the phone with his girlfriend who stated that he'd told her that he was being followed. We know that Zimmerman claimed self defense even though Trayvon was only armed with a bag of skittles and a bottle of iced tea. Maybe Zimmerman thought Trayvon was going to make him taste the rainbow, eh? Most of all we KNOW that Trayvon Martin is dead.

What I simply want to know is WHY?



If you haven't done so already, please sign the petition to bring Trayvon Martin's killer to justice and then share it!
http://www.change.org/petitions/prosecute-the-killer-of-our-son-17-year-old-trayvon-martin

My Drug Of Choice...

Ain't nothing like that first hit... That's what keeps us going back for more, chasing that high... LOVE ~Me


I love the idea of love but from my experience I can tell you that it can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Now I know that the idea of love is beautiful and that in the right situation it can bring out the very best in a person but I also know that when not in the confines of a healthy, mutual situation it can be the ultimate disaster.

Love should come wrapped in a pretty little box with a surgeon general's warning: *Love is a drug, use it responsibly.  I've learned that I have to be selfish with my love because it's THE very best gift I have to give and not everyone is going to appreciate and reciprocate it or know and understand just how to receive it. I'm hoping that everyone has a memorable Valentine's Day or Love Day, as I prefer to call it. I hope that it's filled with those good feelings that we think of when love comes to mind. I also hope that most realize that waiting for a particular day to express our feelings for the people we love is foolish. I love the gifts received on Love Day but if I love you I make it a point to show you and tell you on a regular basis. When this post came to mind the words literally flowed from my brain, through my fingertips, and onto the screen. I ended up with what follows....

Remember when you first inhaled it
That first hit of love
Remember the high and the instant euphoria you experienced
Your extremities tingled, butterflies danced within your belly
Your senses were heightened

That first hit had you open
You wanted it, craved it, thought about it all the time
You became a love junkie willing to do whatever it took to get that next hit
Constantly chasing that high
Never achieving the climax you reached your first time out the gate

Your body wasn't used to it then
You were a virgin to this thing called love 
Your first hit made you experience a sensation that you never knew existed.
So you chase it, trying to re-create that feeling

You hide your desire from the people around you
But everybody knows
You're addicted to that drug called love
For just a little taste you'd sell your soul
You don't want an intervention
No twelve step program will do
This is a lifelong addiction 
Giving it up is something you just ain't willing to do.

You chase it
Try to replace it
Sometimes mistake it
Now it's time to face it
It eludes you
Confuses you
Get a batch from the wrong person and it'll kill you

Ahhhhh this drug called love
Makes you feel so good
And yet it hurts so bad
Your heart beats for it
Your body craves for it
You don't get enough and your body betrays you
You lose sleep, unwilling to eat
You feel like a fool
You've got it bad
And you don't know what to do

And as much as you enjoy it
There are days you simply wish you never took that first pull... LOVE
Yeah... this thing called love, it's a helluva drug


Happy Love Day <3