“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” - Unknown
Sunday was a funky day for me. I'd returned home after being away for five days and the silence that greeted me in my apartment seemed deafening. I'd needed to drown out the thoughts in my head and the solace of my apartment only reminded me of why I'd left with just my dog Titus and the clothing on my back a few days prior in the first place. I didn't want to think. I wanted to laugh with the people I love, listen to my favorite music, watch every rerun of RHOA, eat an unlimited supply of ice cream sandwiches, and simply drown out all the thoughts that were swirling through my head. I've never been into astrology but someone recently told me that I'm a typical virgo and I'm finding this to be somewhat true. I think too damn much! But I digress...
I just got out of a "situation"... Yeah, that's what we'll call it because I don't know that anything else would suit it. I'm still debating how I feel... Sitting in the quiet of my bedroom only brings the thoughts that I'd spent five days suppressing right back to the forefront of my brain... Did I push too hard? Was he willing to give too little? Whatever the case, I'm here and I don't want to deal with it... I ask GOD to throw me a life vest to save me from the sea that is my thoughts... And then I remember the missed call I'd received the day before. The one from the number I didn't know. Something tells me it's my sisterfriend Rachele. I haven't spoken to her since May and I'm pretty certain that she's trying to get in touch with me. Over the years we've gotten busy with life but when we talk or are together, it's like we never missed a beat. I call her because something tells me that she'll be able to talk me thru my mess...
We exchange the normal pleasantries. She catches me up on the events of her life as a wife and a mother. I tell her about my new nieces. We share the commonality that we both feel unfulfilled, unhappy, and unraveled in our professional lives and that we know GOD is simply waiting for us to take the steps necessary to fulfill the purposes for our lives. She's further along than I am and she encourages me. Eventually we get to the part about my latest "situation". I don't go into details. There really isn't a need for it. He wasn't perfect, but I know what it is about me that caused the "situation" to go left. She knows too.
She proceeds to hold the mirror up in front of me. The mirror that only the people closest to you can hold. She tells me the truth. I'm an idealist. In almost every aspect of my life. Now there's nothing wrong with that if we possess an even balance. But I allow my idealistic beliefs to override what's real sometimes. In my head there is a script that details the way things should go. If there's any deviation from that script I panic. I expect that things will just effortlessly fall ito place. She tells me to throw that script away!!! She reminds me that life isn't a fairy tale. She makes light of things. Says that I'm the only girl she knows that will walk into a store, see a dress I love, and buy one that fits now and another two sizes too small that will fit later. She laughs. I laugh even harder because I know it's true! My closet is bursting at the seams for this very reason. She tells me that's the idealism in me. She's right. I don't know what my "situation" could've ever been. I do know that all my poking, prodding,and complaining didn't help. I know that I have to learn to take things as they come and that I have to learn to accept people, specifically men, for who they are or simply learn to walk away. I know that I have to learn to let go and go with the flow and that not every moment can be planned. Oh! How life would be so simple if we could Mr. Potato Head the men we encounter. But we can't... I ask her where the hell she was months ago when I was still in my "situation! I breathe a little easier. This is why after having only spent a year in my third high school, I was able to make a lifelong friend. She gets me. We laugh some more and promise to do better at keeping in touch. I hang up and though the thoughts have slowed down the sting hasn't completely subsided. I remember that life isn't a fairy tale and that no amount of pixie dust will instantly quell the way I feel. I know that albeit at the expense of my feelings, I've learned a valuable lesson.
I pull my laundry basket from my closet, readying myself to sort a few loads. I've got a job that I don't love but that pays the bills to return to tomorrow. I'm thankful for my mirror experience. Something tells me I'm gonna be just fine. It's the idealist in me...
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