Eenie Meenie Miney Moe..

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -Whitney M. Young Jr.

Dating has always been a difficult notion for me. The concept of having a black book full of men that I can call at a moment's notice has never been an idea that my brain has easily been able to wrap itself around. In my mind, I've always hoped that I'd meet a man, he wouldn't be able to get his fill of me, and we'd seamlessly make the transition from easy friends to easy lovers. Recently, it became obvious that I was the last person to get the memo that this is not really the way it happens. Don't judge me. I've just always been the kind of girl that envisions pouring all my love, giving all my support, and being the softest place on earth for one man. What I hadn't quite worked out in my head is all the steps that come before that.

So imagine the epiphany I had as I was perusing my news feed on Facebook a few days ago and ran across this status from popular radio host Michael Baisden:

What can women learn from men? Dating is a process of elimination, so date more often and keep it moving. Don’t get too emotionally involved. Don’t try to get everything out of one person. And most important of all, keep your options open!

Now I'm not really a dramatic person, but that stopped me in my tracks. Could it be that I, like too many women, had it all wrong? How many times had I been quick to give one of my male friends the side eye or label him some philandering title because he kept an iPhone full of women. Could Steve Harvey have been right when he said "act like a lady, think like a man"?

I think it's safe to say that for too long a lot of we women have viewed dating as a one way street to a serious relationship, while most men have viewed it as a freeway with numerous exits, entrances, rest stops, toll booths, and your occasional sleazy motel along the way. I'm guilty of it. I meet a man who I'm somewhat interested in and I get tunnel vision. Somewhere along the way, things don't quite go the way I hoped and I'm left realizing that the fine man that I'd previously met in the produce aisle at the grocery store or the one I'd met on one of my nightly excursions to the 24hour drug store have long since moved on because they got tired of planning dates I would break or making calls that I wouldn't return. And I call myself a multitasker...

We have to view dating for exactly what it is, and I hate to say it but I think that our male counterparts have it somewhat right. Dating is an opportunity to meet, evaluate, learn from, and be entertained by different people. We don't go to a department store and buy the very first dress we try on. Why make this critical mistake when dealing with men? I was prepping for a night out with the girls recently and bought five dresses. I pondered over over which dress to wear for the entire week and finally made my decision on the day of the event. After careful consideration, I took four of them back. I'd never actually thought to do this when it came to men. Putting all our eggs in one basket, too often, ends up being a risk not worth taking. We don't take the time to enjoy the company of different men. We put too much stock into the first one that makes us feel right and never give ourselves the opportunity to quite compare the differences in the men in our lives to determine what we really want and need. It really is a process of elimination. A healthy dating life should consists of a few suitors, (never anywhere did I say you should be sleeping with these men. TAKE HEED). We should be going out on numerous dates and determining what qualities we want and desire in the man we hope to end up with. This also ensures that we don't get too attached to any one man. One man may teach you a great lesson or expose you to some new exciting experience and simply be ready to move on. In the words of a guy I recently dated, "that's life". Everyone we meet is not destined to be in our lives forever.

At the ripe old age of 31, (sarcasm), I make it a point to let men know that I am not interested in playing any games. Going forward I'll be telling them that I'm not interested in rushing into anything too quickly. I'd like to be able to spend some time smelling the roses and I may decide that I'd like to go from bush to bush while doing so, (there'll be no drawing of honey, of course). Who knows, in the end, I may meet a great guy and if I'm lucky, I'll have enjoyed a lot of free meals along the way.