I haven't been writing much lately. Life has been so busy for me as of late and I honestly haven't had the time... A few times a week I'll think about setting some time aside to put the thoughts going thru my mind down on paper. In most cases I ended up losing the battle to sleep, (which I don't get enough of lately), or some work related project I'm working on will have a loose end that needs to be tied up and my focus will go to that. Tonight I was laying in my bed looking at some old pics when the quote I started this post with came to mind. It automatically inspired me to write...
Now this may sound cheesy or just plain corny but it gets no simpler than that quote. I think about my life and where I am right now and I feel like I'm on the brink of greatness! For the first time ever I can say that I'm in total control of every aspect of my life. I'm calculating my steps and making strong moves for a secure future. I'm proud of myself... And that feels good.
As I lay in my bed pondering these thoughts, I can't help but to reflect on where I've been. Now I won't sing you a sad song, this isn't the time for that but I have to say that looking back I realize just how blessed I've been. There have been periods in my life where I didn't quite know what to do next or just how I would find the strength to do it. I'll be forthright and say that in too many cases these feelings revolved around my dealings with men. Now this isn't a relationship post per se'. Take from it what you see fit, but for me that's where my thoughts went to tonight. I thought about a man I used to LOVE. I ate, slept, and breathed my love for him and when we parted ways I honestly didn't know what to do next... I made myself miserable with thoughts that I'd never be happy without him. I made other people miserable because I was no longer with him... My angst was messy and I wasted a lot of time and energy focused on something that I didn't even quite understand. Now this was years ago. And my lightbulb moment has long come and gone. I remember waking up one morning, it was a few years ago in September, and it just didn't hurt anymore... I attribute that to GOD because in that period of my life I spent a lot of time talking to Him. I remember everything being easier. It was like going to bed an addict one night and the next day waking up clean and sober. The taste had simply been taken away. I was thankful then but I don't think it hit me until now how true that statement is that "life goes on". Tonight as I mull over where I am in my life it pleases me to know that I've gained a better understanding of that. Today, as the Rolanda that I am, there'd be no room in my life for him. I say that with every ounce of humility but with absolute honesty. He simply wouldn't fit...
So ask yourself the questions... Remember that thing you wanted so badly? Remember the moment you realized you were better off without it?
Whatever it is you're going thru and regardless of the state that your life is currently in, life goes on. Trust me when I tell you. You'll look back on these very moments and realize that the outcome was for the very best. It's simply adding to the person that you're supposed to become and down the line you'll realize that, that piece never quite fit into your pretty little puzzle anyway. I love me and I don't think the outcome would be quite the same if I'd gotten some of the things I used to believe I couldn't live without! Oh! The stories I could tell you all (I am a hot mess! Lol)... Trust that there is a reason that whatever it is may not be for you. Chuck it up to experience and simply remind yourself that life truly does go on. And go on and get better it does...
Talk to you all very soon <3
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