We Are Living... SINGLE!!

As a single woman I'm learning that my happily ever after doesn't have to begin when I meet him. It begins when I let go of all of my preconceived notions and allow it to begin... -Me


I suppose this is as good a place as any to begin. I never quite imagined I'd find myself here: Thirty-one, single, no children, and not a suitor I'd care to mention in sight. Nope, not exactly what I'd envisioned. As little girls we're groomed to believe that when we grow up our knight in shining armor will find us, sweep us off our feet, and gladly give us his last name. In more cases than one, my knight in shining armor turned out to be some fool in tin foil, he was only willing to sweep me off my feet to place me in his bed, and in one case I met the woman and children who already carried his last name!

Now don't get me wrong, I've definitely learned some valuable lessons about myself and my choices along the way. I'd only be fooling myself if I didn't take some of the blame. There was the "bad boy" phase, and the "unattainable man" phase (I don't care to elaborate), and the "I can fix him" phase. Most recently it's been the "I met him online" phase (the jury is still out on this one). Either way, I have to say that I've played an intricate role in my current state of singledom.

Then there was "The List". He had to be tall, at least 6'3, after all, I'm 5'11 and love wearing heels (I refuse to bend on this). He had to have a career, preferably no children, be of caramel complexion, have a decent FICO score, have nice teeth, have a nice wardrobe that didn't consist of just sneakers and shirts with pictures and/or obscene logos,, he had to be a great lover, he had to be in shape, he had to be well groomed with regular haircuts and facial hair, he had to be funny, he had to have a checking and a savings account, he had to have a love for GOD (I won't bend on this either), have his own place at his own address, he had to love his momma, and he couldn't be younger than twenty-nine or older than thirty-five. As I've matured and stepped out a bit I realize that I've definitely passed up on some good opportunities because of my list. My mom and sisters have more than once admonished me for the disappearance of a nice guy who they'd decided could possibly be "the one" but that I'd decided hadn't met enough of the requirements on my lists. I'd simply find some way to explain that we were better off as friends and end up right back at square numero uno. My belief has pretty much been that just because he's nice doesn't mean that he's nice for me and that if I didn't feel butterflies, more than likely, that meant that the chemistry was simply not there. The more I think about it and the more men I meet, I realize that being nice is a start. No, it doesn't mean that he's the guy for me, but it's a great place to build from. I've also learned not to trust those butterflies. They always seem to flutter most with the guys that I should have steered clear of and I'm starting to believe that they can be better attributed to some form of gas or warning sign that my body is sending to advise me to drop everything as quickly as I can and to run in the opposite direction.

There's no excuse really. I grew up in a two parent home with parents, who like any other had their issues, but remained together and provided a sense of stability for my sisters and I. Since my mom remarried when I was young, I'd say I was blessed to end up with two fathers in my life who have been great examples of what a man should be. I guess it's simply been the way I've played my hand. I'm not complaining by any means. Where most of my married girlfriends have a fund for the kids' extracurricular activities, I have a shoe fund, a vacation fund, and a "I work hard and I deserve it" fund. Still, questions like, "Do I want to buy my first home on my own?" or "What's the expiration date on my eggs?" plague me from time to time.

So, in the meantime, I try to busy myself with me. I'm returning to school to finish my bachelor's in the spring. My sister, my girlfriend (she's single too), and I are starting a not for profit networking/educational organization called Sassy Sisters Inc., and I've taken up to writing this blog. I guess my hope is to kind of give people a peek into what the life of a single woman is really like. I get the questions all the time,Why are you single?" or , "You're too cute to be by your lonesome,why hasn't some man snatched you up?!" or my favorite, "What are you waiting on to have some babies, girl?!" I'm hoping that as I allow you in, I'll better understand some things about myself that will prepare me for what hopefully lies ahead. For now, I'm doing my best to savor the moments and enjoy the adventures and misadventures of a sassy, smart, sexy, 30something singlista.