His Starter Ended It All...

A man should be willing to fight for his woman, a woman should ensure he never has to... ~Me

The text read, and I quote,  "When I get paid on Friday, unless you could help me out until then, would you be able to :o)"? I paused to reread the message that had popped up on my blackberry screen, ensuring that I'd actually read it correctly and broke out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. I don't know if I was laughing because of the the hilarity of his question or simply because I figured that this was typical of my luck, but it took a great deal of will to regain my composure. I read the text again and struggled to hold back the laughter. It had to be a combination of both...

I'd met him a little less than two weeks before. He seemed like a decent guy: well mannered, respectful, GOD fearing, smart, well spoken, and possessed what seemed to be good morals. He asked me real questions. What exactly are you looking for in a man? Are you interested in having children? What were my dating habits? What my sexuality was? That last question had stumped me, but once he explained how so many people were try-sexual and that he was only interested in dating a woman interested in men, it made complete sense. I'd asked men about their sexuality on numerous occasions in the past. I wasn't used to having the question thrown back at me. He asked questions about me and my family and shared his story as well. He was engaging and I liked that. Of course there was playful banter but he seemed poised in that he had a good idea of what he wanted, and deserved in a woman. He was 6'5, caramel complexion, well spoken with a perfect set of beautiful teeth, and well groomed facial hair. He said he was the last of a dying breed. I'd asked if he had come to that conclusion on his own or if someone had crowned him that title. He'd assured me that he knew he was a good man. I congratulated him and quoted the line my dad always uses, "If you don't say I am, who's going to say thou art?" His confidence was a bit much, but I was attracted to it. I'm an aggressive, assertive woman and a headstrong, secure man is what I need. Needless to say, my curiosity was somewhat piqued.

So you can imagine my surprise when he'd texted me that response... Wait, I'm going too fast. Let me rewind a bit. He'd started off the morning with a text to say "Good morning gorgeous." You know how those texts put a smile on your face ladies regardless of where you are with a man in your relationship, even if it is game. He'd wanted to check to see if I was awake because he'd known that I'd come home in the wee hours of the morning after a night of festivities with my sisters and a few friends. I had gotten a call from work about a half an hour earlier and I'd made my way to the sofa with a blanket with the intention of planning my day. We exchanged a few texts back and forth of me telling him about my night out and him telling me about the quiet night he'd had. He wanted to know what my plans were for the day. I was still deciding. He'd told me in a previous conversation that the starter had gone on his car and that he needed to get that taken care of. I had asked did he see it happening that day, and then came the BIG bang, "When I get paid on Friday, unless you could help me out until then, would you be able to :o)". Had he just asked me for money? The guy that I'd met less than two weeks ago... HELL & NO *Pause* Now let me first say, that there isn't a stingy bone in my body. Most would probably say that I'm too generous but there is no way on GOD's green earth that I'm giving a man I barely know money unless he's wearing dirty clothes and holding a tin can. Point blank period! *UNPAUSE* I laughed, because it was pure comedy! I think that GOD has a sense of humor so He keeps giving me material.

 I simply told him that I barely knew him and that I definitely didn't feel we were anywhere near the point where I'd feel comfortable lending him money. Now the conversation should've stopped there but he replied that he didn't think that that we had to be at a certain point in order for me to help someone. Now the more he texts the more turned off I become.  He continues in saying that when I'd said that he should let me know if I could help in a previous conversation that he'd believed me to be sincere. At this point, I was up off the sofa, pacing back and forth, having a "White Chicks" so you wanna talk about mothers moment!!! Was he serious?!?!?  Not only had he asked me, a woman and a relative stranger, for a loan to fix his car, but he also had the nerve to question my sincerity! At this point I wanted him and his dying breed to flee as far away from me as possible! Hmph!

Now some may say that I overreacted and that he seemed like a great guy and that him asking me showed a great deal of humility. I beg to differ. I look at it like this, he ought to be humiliated asking me for anything at this point in the road. Yes, that may be harsh but I figure he either lacked the kind of pride I want any man I deal with to possess or he wasn't interested enough in getting to know me to exhibit any pride whatsoever... I decided to choose the answer behind door number one for the sake of making me feel good and exit to the left because I no longer had any intention of finding out.

I chalk it up to an issue of standards. I'm definitely willing to bend but I won't break. I've learned that if a man doesn't show interest in catering to you and showing the man that he can be, especially in the beginning, he's a.) Not interested or b.) not where he needs to be as a man. I don't care how shy, laid back, boisterous, or over the top he is. If he doesn't strive to take on that male role and show you how he can play the position of the man in your life keep it moving ladies. I've been guilty of missing these signs. It's second nature. Every male species has a way of showing the female species they're the man. It's not about money.  This was about principle, that's non negotiable. I shared the story with a girlfriend and she told me of how a friend of hers had a guy ask her to borrow ten dollars a week after meeting her for a haircut. I've got one better, get a pair of scissors and cut him loose. He must've belonged to the same dying breed of the guy that I had met! This dating thing is very interesting...

Eenie Meenie Miney Moe..

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -Whitney M. Young Jr.

Dating has always been a difficult notion for me. The concept of having a black book full of men that I can call at a moment's notice has never been an idea that my brain has easily been able to wrap itself around. In my mind, I've always hoped that I'd meet a man, he wouldn't be able to get his fill of me, and we'd seamlessly make the transition from easy friends to easy lovers. Recently, it became obvious that I was the last person to get the memo that this is not really the way it happens. Don't judge me. I've just always been the kind of girl that envisions pouring all my love, giving all my support, and being the softest place on earth for one man. What I hadn't quite worked out in my head is all the steps that come before that.

So imagine the epiphany I had as I was perusing my news feed on Facebook a few days ago and ran across this status from popular radio host Michael Baisden:

What can women learn from men? Dating is a process of elimination, so date more often and keep it moving. Don’t get too emotionally involved. Don’t try to get everything out of one person. And most important of all, keep your options open!

Now I'm not really a dramatic person, but that stopped me in my tracks. Could it be that I, like too many women, had it all wrong? How many times had I been quick to give one of my male friends the side eye or label him some philandering title because he kept an iPhone full of women. Could Steve Harvey have been right when he said "act like a lady, think like a man"?

I think it's safe to say that for too long a lot of we women have viewed dating as a one way street to a serious relationship, while most men have viewed it as a freeway with numerous exits, entrances, rest stops, toll booths, and your occasional sleazy motel along the way. I'm guilty of it. I meet a man who I'm somewhat interested in and I get tunnel vision. Somewhere along the way, things don't quite go the way I hoped and I'm left realizing that the fine man that I'd previously met in the produce aisle at the grocery store or the one I'd met on one of my nightly excursions to the 24hour drug store have long since moved on because they got tired of planning dates I would break or making calls that I wouldn't return. And I call myself a multitasker...

We have to view dating for exactly what it is, and I hate to say it but I think that our male counterparts have it somewhat right. Dating is an opportunity to meet, evaluate, learn from, and be entertained by different people. We don't go to a department store and buy the very first dress we try on. Why make this critical mistake when dealing with men? I was prepping for a night out with the girls recently and bought five dresses. I pondered over over which dress to wear for the entire week and finally made my decision on the day of the event. After careful consideration, I took four of them back. I'd never actually thought to do this when it came to men. Putting all our eggs in one basket, too often, ends up being a risk not worth taking. We don't take the time to enjoy the company of different men. We put too much stock into the first one that makes us feel right and never give ourselves the opportunity to quite compare the differences in the men in our lives to determine what we really want and need. It really is a process of elimination. A healthy dating life should consists of a few suitors, (never anywhere did I say you should be sleeping with these men. TAKE HEED). We should be going out on numerous dates and determining what qualities we want and desire in the man we hope to end up with. This also ensures that we don't get too attached to any one man. One man may teach you a great lesson or expose you to some new exciting experience and simply be ready to move on. In the words of a guy I recently dated, "that's life". Everyone we meet is not destined to be in our lives forever.

At the ripe old age of 31, (sarcasm), I make it a point to let men know that I am not interested in playing any games. Going forward I'll be telling them that I'm not interested in rushing into anything too quickly. I'd like to be able to spend some time smelling the roses and I may decide that I'd like to go from bush to bush while doing so, (there'll be no drawing of honey, of course). Who knows, in the end, I may meet a great guy and if I'm lucky, I'll have enjoyed a lot of free meals along the way.