My Time, A Love Affair- A Mini Series Part II

A Blog Mini-Series written by: AR Garcia/DominicanSoul www.thedominicansoul.com & Rolanda/The_MissRoShow www.chroniclesofasinglista.blogspot.com


Love has a funny way of enveloping you. It seeps through every pore of your being when it's real. It gives you the kind of strength that makes you feel like a king sitting on your throne at the top of the world. And if only for a moment, you feel like there isn't anything you can't do. That's what Her love did for me, at least at the very beginning...

When I met Her. I knew that she was the fulfillment of GOD's promise to me. She was more than I had ever imagined she could be. She was beautiful. She moved with such grace and beauty that I found myself in awe of who and what she was at times. I knew from the moment I'd laid eyes on her that she'd be the mother of my children, my wife... She was my rib and I wanted to make her mine as quickly as possible in order to be whole again. I remember laying beside her as she slept trying to match the rhythmic sounds she would make as she breathed ever so quietly. She soothed my stormy spirit and made me feel like no other woman had before. I made her my wife and we created a family, a happiness that I never thought a man like I could experience.

We took long strolls under moonlit skies and as she would place her hand softly in mine, I knew that she had entrusted me with her heart just the same. Her love made me feel strong, only the way a real woman's love does.The pieces of my puzzle were complete and our happily ever after had begun...

I look back on the life we shared today and wonder how our love died. How something so sacred could simply come to an end. I look at her and she is not the same woman anymore. Her once smooth skin is etched with wrinkled lines that tell many a story. Hey once dark mane has grayed ever so slightly. Despite what the years have brought she is even more beautiful than when I first laid eyes on her. Time has been kind to her, and though I know that I didn't make it easy for her, she has lost that sparkle I once saw in her eyes. She doesn't look at me the same... To her I am only half a man and that I simply cannot accept.

In our daily struggles of raising our children and keeping our home she lost her way in loving me. She forgot about me and my needs. She became lost in being a mother and forgot how to be a wife. Somewhere along the way she forgot how to be my friend. She doesn't make me feel strong anymore, I no longer feel whole...I have felt that I am simply another task on her list of things to do. I wonder what happened to the promises we made, the dreams we dreamt, the plans we had for the rest of our lives together and I am saddened.

I'd hear her trying to stifle her cries at night and I'd be too afraid to reach for her because the truth is I simply wasn't who I used to be...  We had become strangers. I was a fraction of the man she once loved and I didn't know how to get the rest of me back.

I thought I'd find it in cheap motel rooms with loose women who I knew there could never be anything more with than lust. I'd sit in my car before returning home on those nights, disgusted by the scent of cheap perfume and alcohol, and wonder why I couldn't find the words to say what I know needed to be said. I felt even smaller because as a man I knew I didn't possess the power to fix this...

Giggles and laughter turned to cries and loud screams

Starry gazes turned to evil stares

The kindest words turned to the most hateful actions

Happily ever after turned to the end

Is it me?

I often ask myself that question. I ask myself, is it something that I have done? Maybe I changed. Maybe I forgot how to love her. Maybe I am not enough anymore. Perhaps, I am not as strong as she once thought. I've lost my intrigue.

I am a man

I come from great men before me

My sons are a testament to who I am

My old hands have built a home and provided for a family

Sure I am hurt and in pain

But I will emerge from this just like I have been victorious and favored in everything else in my life.

Because I could no longer face her I fled. I left what was the home we built, the life we created for ourselves to find me. Before I am anything else, I am a man and it is something I believe she no longer sees. However selfish it is, it is something I must do for me and I know that it is something she will never understand. Somewhere in nurturing our lives she forgot how to love me, how to make me strong, how to make me feel whole. Perhaps I did the same. All I know is that our fairytale has come to an end and that nothing but bitterness remains... TO BE CONTINUED

My Time, A Love Affair- A Mini Series

A Blog Mini-Series written by: AR Garcia/DominicanSoul- www.thedominicansoul.com & Rolanda/The_MissRoShow - www.chroniclesofasinglista.blogspot.com




A little over a decade ago my mother taught me possibly the most important lesson in dealing with women and relationships. As my parents went through a divorce my father easily moved on as I watched my mother suffer in what I can only describe as agony. I heard and saw my mother weep every night over what was now the death of her marriage and the end of what was once a complete picture perfect family. There would be no more family vacations, no more family photos. There would be no more my husband can't make it because he is working. Or my husband is at my son's baseball game and that's why they couldn't make it. Or, my daughter wanted to go ice skating so my husband took her but they will be back in a couple of hours. My mother would no longer tell her friends that they would have to call her back because the kids and her husband were all on the bed watching a movie that she really didn't care for but was down for it just the same because all of us were watching it. There would be NO more of that!



I got tired of hearing my mother cry through the thin sheet rock walls and finally got the courage to go into her room and ask her why she cried for a man who obviously didn't care for her anymore?

Early that morning in her room she was getting ready for work. Putting on her make-up in front of her vanity. I stood there behind her waiting for my moment and courage to kick in to ask her what I went in there for. Looking through the mirror with her eyes puffy from crying and she trying very fervently to cover it up with foundation, she asked, "Whats on your mind Son?" I asked her, Do you regret it all? "No" she said. She continued to put her make-up on. As I started to walk out she said, "The only thing I regret is that he wasted My Time and I can't get that back."

See I knew that she wasn't talking about us. She wasn't talking about the family she had acquired, the memories, the good times with him or her children. But the fact that he knew years ago that he didn't want to be with her and he so selfishly made her waste her time. She could have moved on.

But she didn't ever. She's a beautiful woman. But she never moved on. Maybe you can't move on after you've had Real Love. I honestly don't know.

This is a story, a mini-series if you will of a real Torrid Love Affair between two people...



I remembered love filled promises. All night whispered conversations about our favorite children's names. I remember long walks on the beach. Walks in which took place under worry-less circumstances. I remember holding hands under starlit skies and full moons. If we couldn't get to the beach you would make sure to find the stars in the neighborhood. Our fingers locked. Our smiles glued to our faces. Our souls intertwined and bound for a life destined for happiness. I remember our souls aligned and… and deep hearted laughter. Early morning phone calls to remind each other that we had something special. That we had something More than just something More in common.

You always preferred calling because you said you loved to hear my voice in the morning.
I remember finishing his sentences. He would give me a special nod to reassure me that he had finished my thought, you know.

We made dreams a reality. We turned our goals into a walk down the aisle, into a home, and then children to fill it all. See, we just didn't build a home. We built memories. We were rich with love and moral prosperity.

I remember the recitals you said you could never make because of work but always made. How you were there to see our children take their first steps right until you walked them down the aisle when it was their turn.

We took so much time to focus on our dreams and sand the pillars we had built. We focused so much on being a whole that we began to forget who we were as individuals.

I find myself after all these years with nothing more than memories. Something has changed. My love, is not the same. He, is not the same. My time with him is not what it was.

We don't laugh anymore. We don't walk anymore.

The tender whispers we shared have become idle threats and loud cries in the serenity that we built together.

Is it me?

I often ask myself that question. I ask myself, is it something that I have done? Maybe I changed. Maybe I forgot how to love him. Maybe I am not enough anymore. Perhaps, I am not as beautiful as he once thought. I've lost my intrigue.

At this stage in our lives all that matters is the time that we share. And what we do with that time. We have fulfilled all of our obligations to our family. Now its our time. But it seems as though he no longer can find the time for me. I'm filled with regret and frustration. Anger and disbelief. Pain and hurt. Confusion and ailments I lack words to describe.

Then I realize after much inquiry that it is not me that has altered the agreement we made to each other over twenty years ago. But it was Him. He's chosen to find affections elsewhere. To give his heart which he placed in my hands a long time ago to nurture and protect to another. He took it upon himself to bury the dreams and the memories. To tarnish the purity of what God blessed and our children benefitted from.

So he took it upon himself to put our love in a Casket as he galavants like an old-young fool around with a woman who couldn't be me if I taught her myself how to be so. He trades in his Queen for a Peasant in which he can stain and dirty the filthiest motel sheets adulterating money can buy.

There is no love.

Where is the respect that I earned years ago?

But, that's ok.

He thinks now that after all these years he can discard me. Destroy me.
He forgets who I am. Who I have been.

I am a Woman!

My name resounds strength.

My smile shines light on what is truth.

And my eyes tell a story of pride and joy in the middle of adversity.

Sure I am hurt and I am in pain.

But I will emerge from this just like I have been victorious and favored in everything else in my life.
 
So you go girl. You can have him. You can have the scraps of a man who I used to call a husband. You two together is just yesterday's paper on today's kitchen table, Obsolete. I won't be bitter. I won't let hate and anger consume me. Instead, I will wish you the two the best. And hope sweetie, that he doesn't turn your love into this grave that we used to call a marriage.

I wish most of it wasn't a mirage. I can get love back. I can laugh again. Maybe I will even cry over a man again. I don't feel like I wasted my life.

I just wish you wouldn't have wasted my time.
Because my time, is all that I can't get back.
TO BE CONTINUED...