What's Up Ahead...

Hey Guys!!!! Happy Friday! I used to have a youtube channel and I figured I'd integrate a video into the blog from time to time. This vid wasn't actually made for CofaS but I decided to upload it anyway. Take a peek and see what's ahead for Chronicles of a Singlista and some of the other things I have going on!!! Hit me up at chroniclesofasinglista@yahoo.com if you're interested in being featured as a guy of the week on "Bonjour Monsieur" or if you have a business or upcoming event you'd like posted! Thanks for tuning in! <3

You Gotta Beat Him To Keep Him...

Well-behaved women seldom make history... ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


Men love abuse, so club them over the heads, drag them home and handcuff them to your bed to ensure they never leave your side... It's not what best selling, award winning author/tv personality Tionna Smalls had in mind when she wrote her newest book "Men Love Abuse: The Guide to Losing the Image of Being the Nice Girl & Getting the Man You Want",  (which will be released on January 27, 2012 through the publishing company she owns aptly named Talk Dat Ish Books), but I definitely think she was on to something! Most of us first saw Tionna in 2010 on season one of  VH1's "What Chilli Wants" where she was appointed matchmaker for one third of the Grammy award winning group, TLC. Viewers were just as confused as Tionna was when Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas ran down her list of must haves in a potential mate. We were also pleasantly surprised by Chilli choosing Bill, (who I thought was pretty fly for a white guy), on the finale episode. After seeing the variety of men she brought to the table and how she was willing to fight Chilli tooth and nail to tackle the task at hand, most of us left feeling that this chic Tionna might actually know what the heck she was talking about.

Fast forward to present day, Tionna has wrapped the second season of What Chilli Wants. She has opened up a lifestyle boutique in the Bedstuy section of Brooklyn called Loveys (shoploveys.com) that caters to a woman's accessory, body, and beauty needs, (Check it out ladies! I've been there and it's fab!). She's also following up her 2011 rerelease of the award winning, best selling "Girl Get Your Mind Right" (Harper Collins) with the first volume of her new pocketbook series "Men Love Abuse" (Talk Dat Ish Books) due to be released in just a few short days. Oh!!! And did I mention that she's also engaged and working on a new television project and that she's accomplished all of this by the tender age of twenty seven?!?! Yeah, I think it's safe to say Tionna is definitely batting a pretty decent average! I sat down with her recently, (okay, maybe I didn't sit with her but I emailed her and she was kind enough to get back to me...), and asked her a few questions about her new book and what she's hoping to convey to her mostly female audience. If I say nothing else about Tionna, I can definitely say that she's raw, she's real, and she's right... Take a gander at what she had to say:

Singlista: What inspired you to start offering advice and writing books for us single women?

Tionna:When I begin writing relationship/dating stuff, I too was a single woman. I went through a few light trials and tribulations with guys that made me very eager and excited to write about it. I was like Carrie in Sex in the City, just reflecting on my life as a single woman. I always had a strong personality and I always kept it real so I said why not add all of this together and capitalize off of it. I write my books so it can inspire women and lift them up. My books are not preachy, they are very hey-girlfriendish...

Singlista: It's obvious from reading your books and having watched you on "What Chilli Wants" that you are a very headstrong in your approach to relationships and how women should deal with men. Have you always been this way?

Tionna: I have always been a BOSS CHICK when it came down to boys and men. I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 years old. We stayed together until I was almost 21. He proposed to me and everything. I always knew men. My father taught me the game young. Tionna Smalls being in a relationship at 15 is the same Tionna Smalls being in a relationship at 27 except I am a little nicer and respect my man more now. Girl, the game never changed, the players did.

Singlista: What do you believe the biggest mistake is that women make when first meeting and dating a man?

Tionna:They give up too much too fast. Their heart, their coochie, and their time. You have to really sit back and let a man work for all of that. You can have sex and do you but geesh, stop falling in love at a drop of a hat then get mad when things don't work out.

Singlista:What would we be surprised to learn about Tionna in her down time when she's not the author or entrepeneur? Is there a soft sensitive side hiding in there?

Tionna: LOL. There is definitely a softer side. But wow, good question...I am so open with my life it's hard to say but yes I am a softie at times. I cry when I watch Rocky and when I accomplish something that I never believe I could accomplish like my boutique (Loveys) being show on Love & Hip Hop. Overall I can say I am soft at times but I try not to show that side because people take advantage of that. So I just play my position. I am still a girl so I love girly things...sometimes, haha!

Singlista: We women sometimes get too lost in the idea of being in a relationship. What should we be doing when we're single to make sure we're better women not just for ourselves, but for the future men in our lives?

Tionna: Gosh, you have the best questions in the world...I love you already. Well, the first thing women especially should do when they are single is take time to be by themselves. Learn what it is you like in a man and what you like in yourself. Definitely step your game up and make sure you have your own ish together like home, car, multiple stream of income, credit right. You know, the works! Lyfe Jennings said it best, "Be the Person you want to find. Don't be a nickel out here searching for a dime." He is so right. I say, date yourself, love yourself FIRST. You can't possibly a great mate to someone else if you dont have yourself together and that is real talk.

Singlista: What is your challenge to women about the "types" of men they like. Dolvett was obviously not Chilli's type but you were adamant that she give him a chance.

Tionna: My new book is called "Men Love Abuse" but I think everyone love abuse. Women go for the guy that don't want them and that they have to take their Loubs and put on their kicks to chase. They never like the nice guy who like them and that is why many women are alone. I said it once and I will say it again, love the one who loves you! Stop chasing dudes who clearly do not want you. We all have done it but enough is enough especially when you get a certain age. The thug guys and the dudes who poke everything walking (player) is so 1999. You have to make a decision about your love life with your mind and think long term and not for what's right now.

Singlista: Ultimately, what do you want women to take away from reading your books and watching you on television? What are you hoping to inspire?

Tionna: I want all my readers and supporters to feel enlightened, motivated, and on their grind when it come down to men and their money. You get a piece of me with every book and tv show. I just want you all to know that you have a sister within me who is not afraid to share her stories and listen to yours. Banging a dude who don't want you, been cheated on, or your catbag smell because you have a nasty infection...no judgements here. We all been there. I hope to inspire a nation of strong sisters, leaders, business woman, but most of all lovers. Thanks for having me and please tell your readers to follow me on Twitter. http://twitter.com/tionnasmalls. Also, buy my new book, "Men Love Abuse" which will be released on the 27th. They have exclusive copies on the Nook now so check me out. You can also buy my other book, Girl, Get Your Mind Right!" available everywhere books are sold.

Side note- thanks for the interview you are a magnificent writer and these questions are thought provoking

*Gasps* at her use of the term "catbag"!!! I told you she was raw and real!! Lol...

Thanks a million for the interview Tionna! I'm looking forward to a great read!

You can get your copies of "Girl Get Your Mind Right!" anywhere books are sold. "Men Love Abuse"  will be available everywhere books are sold on 1/27 but is available now exclusively on Nook. Be certain to leave a review! You can check out Loveys at shoploveys.com or in person at 377 Marcus Garvey Blvd, Brooklyn, NY 11221. Follow Tionna on twitter @TionnaSmalls and Loveys @ShopLoveys.

I'm off to club this guy over the head and drag him back to my boudoir!  After all men love abuse and from what I hear nice girls finish last...

His Starter Ended It All...

A man should be willing to fight for his woman, a woman should ensure he never has to... ~Me

The text read, and I quote,  "When I get paid on Friday, unless you could help me out until then, would you be able to :o)"? I paused to reread the message that had popped up on my blackberry screen, ensuring that I'd actually read it correctly and broke out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. I don't know if I was laughing because of the the hilarity of his question or simply because I figured that this was typical of my luck, but it took a great deal of will to regain my composure. I read the text again and struggled to hold back the laughter. It had to be a combination of both...

I'd met him a little less than two weeks before. He seemed like a decent guy: well mannered, respectful, GOD fearing, smart, well spoken, and possessed what seemed to be good morals. He asked me real questions. What exactly are you looking for in a man? Are you interested in having children? What were my dating habits? What my sexuality was? That last question had stumped me, but once he explained how so many people were try-sexual and that he was only interested in dating a woman interested in men, it made complete sense. I'd asked men about their sexuality on numerous occasions in the past. I wasn't used to having the question thrown back at me. He asked questions about me and my family and shared his story as well. He was engaging and I liked that. Of course there was playful banter but he seemed poised in that he had a good idea of what he wanted, and deserved in a woman. He was 6'5, caramel complexion, well spoken with a perfect set of beautiful teeth, and well groomed facial hair. He said he was the last of a dying breed. I'd asked if he had come to that conclusion on his own or if someone had crowned him that title. He'd assured me that he knew he was a good man. I congratulated him and quoted the line my dad always uses, "If you don't say I am, who's going to say thou art?" His confidence was a bit much, but I was attracted to it. I'm an aggressive, assertive woman and a headstrong, secure man is what I need. Needless to say, my curiosity was somewhat piqued.

So you can imagine my surprise when he'd texted me that response... Wait, I'm going too fast. Let me rewind a bit. He'd started off the morning with a text to say "Good morning gorgeous." You know how those texts put a smile on your face ladies regardless of where you are with a man in your relationship, even if it is game. He'd wanted to check to see if I was awake because he'd known that I'd come home in the wee hours of the morning after a night of festivities with my sisters and a few friends. I had gotten a call from work about a half an hour earlier and I'd made my way to the sofa with a blanket with the intention of planning my day. We exchanged a few texts back and forth of me telling him about my night out and him telling me about the quiet night he'd had. He wanted to know what my plans were for the day. I was still deciding. He'd told me in a previous conversation that the starter had gone on his car and that he needed to get that taken care of. I had asked did he see it happening that day, and then came the BIG bang, "When I get paid on Friday, unless you could help me out until then, would you be able to :o)". Had he just asked me for money? The guy that I'd met less than two weeks ago... HELL & NO *Pause* Now let me first say, that there isn't a stingy bone in my body. Most would probably say that I'm too generous but there is no way on GOD's green earth that I'm giving a man I barely know money unless he's wearing dirty clothes and holding a tin can. Point blank period! *UNPAUSE* I laughed, because it was pure comedy! I think that GOD has a sense of humor so He keeps giving me material.

 I simply told him that I barely knew him and that I definitely didn't feel we were anywhere near the point where I'd feel comfortable lending him money. Now the conversation should've stopped there but he replied that he didn't think that that we had to be at a certain point in order for me to help someone. Now the more he texts the more turned off I become.  He continues in saying that when I'd said that he should let me know if I could help in a previous conversation that he'd believed me to be sincere. At this point, I was up off the sofa, pacing back and forth, having a "White Chicks" so you wanna talk about mothers moment!!! Was he serious?!?!?  Not only had he asked me, a woman and a relative stranger, for a loan to fix his car, but he also had the nerve to question my sincerity! At this point I wanted him and his dying breed to flee as far away from me as possible! Hmph!

Now some may say that I overreacted and that he seemed like a great guy and that him asking me showed a great deal of humility. I beg to differ. I look at it like this, he ought to be humiliated asking me for anything at this point in the road. Yes, that may be harsh but I figure he either lacked the kind of pride I want any man I deal with to possess or he wasn't interested enough in getting to know me to exhibit any pride whatsoever... I decided to choose the answer behind door number one for the sake of making me feel good and exit to the left because I no longer had any intention of finding out.

I chalk it up to an issue of standards. I'm definitely willing to bend but I won't break. I've learned that if a man doesn't show interest in catering to you and showing the man that he can be, especially in the beginning, he's a.) Not interested or b.) not where he needs to be as a man. I don't care how shy, laid back, boisterous, or over the top he is. If he doesn't strive to take on that male role and show you how he can play the position of the man in your life keep it moving ladies. I've been guilty of missing these signs. It's second nature. Every male species has a way of showing the female species they're the man. It's not about money.  This was about principle, that's non negotiable. I shared the story with a girlfriend and she told me of how a friend of hers had a guy ask her to borrow ten dollars a week after meeting her for a haircut. I've got one better, get a pair of scissors and cut him loose. He must've belonged to the same dying breed of the guy that I had met! This dating thing is very interesting...