Men love abuse, so club them over the heads, drag them home and handcuff them to your bed to ensure they never leave your side... It's not what best selling, award winning author/tv personality Tionna Smalls had in mind when she wrote her newest book "Men Love Abuse: The Guide to Losing the Image of Being the Nice Girl & Getting the Man You Want", (which will be released on January 27, 2012 through the publishing company she owns aptly named Talk Dat Ish Books), but I definitely think she was on to something! Most of us first saw Tionna in 2010 on season one of VH1's "What Chilli Wants" where she was appointed matchmaker for one third of the Grammy award winning group, TLC. Viewers were just as confused as Tionna was when Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas ran down her list of must haves in a potential mate. We were also pleasantly surprised by Chilli choosing Bill, (who I thought was pretty fly for a white guy), on the finale episode. After seeing the variety of men she brought to the table and how she was willing to fight Chilli tooth and nail to tackle the task at hand, most of us left feeling that this chic Tionna might actually know what the heck she was talking about.
Fast forward to present day, Tionna has wrapped the second season of What Chilli Wants. She has opened up a lifestyle boutique in the Bedstuy section of Brooklyn called Loveys (shoploveys.com) that caters to a woman's accessory, body, and beauty needs, (Check it out ladies! I've been there and it's fab!). She's also following up her 2011 rerelease of the award winning, best selling "Girl Get Your Mind Right" (Harper Collins) with the first volume of her new pocketbook series "Men Love Abuse" (Talk Dat Ish Books) due to be released in just a few short days. Oh!!! And did I mention that she's also engaged and working on a new television project and that she's accomplished all of this by the tender age of twenty seven?!?! Yeah, I think it's safe to say Tionna is definitely batting a pretty decent average! I sat down with her recently, (okay, maybe I didn't sit with her but I emailed her and she was kind enough to get back to me...), and asked her a few questions about her new book and what she's hoping to convey to her mostly female audience. If I say nothing else about Tionna, I can definitely say that she's raw, she's real, and she's right... Take a gander at what she had to say:
Singlista: What inspired you to start offering advice and writing books for us single women?
Tionna:When I begin writing relationship/dating stuff, I too was a single woman. I went through a few light trials and tribulations with guys that made me very eager and excited to write about it. I was like Carrie in Sex in the City, just reflecting on my life as a single woman. I always had a strong personality and I always kept it real so I said why not add all of this together and capitalize off of it. I write my books so it can inspire women and lift them up. My books are not preachy, they are very hey-girlfriendish...
Singlista: It's obvious from reading your books and having watched you on "What Chilli Wants" that you are a very headstrong in your approach to relationships and how women should deal with men. Have you always been this way?
Tionna: I have always been a BOSS CHICK when it came down to boys and men. I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 years old. We stayed together until I was almost 21. He proposed to me and everything. I always knew men. My father taught me the game young. Tionna Smalls being in a relationship at 15 is the same Tionna Smalls being in a relationship at 27 except I am a little nicer and respect my man more now. Girl, the game never changed, the players did.
Singlista: What do you believe the biggest mistake is that women make when first meeting and dating a man?
Tionna:They give up too much too fast. Their heart, their coochie, and their time. You have to really sit back and let a man work for all of that. You can have sex and do you but geesh, stop falling in love at a drop of a hat then get mad when things don't work out.
Singlista:What would we be surprised to learn about Tionna in her down time when she's not the author or entrepeneur? Is there a soft sensitive side hiding in there?
Tionna: LOL. There is definitely a softer side. But wow, good question...I am so open with my life it's hard to say but yes I am a softie at times. I cry when I watch Rocky and when I accomplish something that I never believe I could accomplish like my boutique (Loveys) being show on Love & Hip Hop. Overall I can say I am soft at times but I try not to show that side because people take advantage of that. So I just play my position. I am still a girl so I love girly things...sometimes, haha!
Singlista: We women sometimes get too lost in the idea of being in a relationship. What should we be doing when we're single to make sure we're better women not just for ourselves, but for the future men in our lives?
Tionna: Gosh, you have the best questions in the world...I love you already. Well, the first thing women especially should do when they are single is take time to be by themselves. Learn what it is you like in a man and what you like in yourself. Definitely step your game up and make sure you have your own ish together like home, car, multiple stream of income, credit right. You know, the works! Lyfe Jennings said it best, "Be the Person you want to find. Don't be a nickel out here searching for a dime." He is so right. I say, date yourself, love yourself FIRST. You can't possibly a great mate to someone else if you dont have yourself together and that is real talk.
Singlista: What is your challenge to women about the "types" of men they like. Dolvett was obviously not Chilli's type but you were adamant that she give him a chance.
Tionna: My new book is called "Men Love Abuse" but I think everyone love abuse. Women go for the guy that don't want them and that they have to take their Loubs and put on their kicks to chase. They never like the nice guy who like them and that is why many women are alone. I said it once and I will say it again, love the one who loves you! Stop chasing dudes who clearly do not want you. We all have done it but enough is enough especially when you get a certain age. The thug guys and the dudes who poke everything walking (player) is so 1999. You have to make a decision about your love life with your mind and think long term and not for what's right now.
Singlista: Ultimately, what do you want women to take away from reading your books and watching you on television? What are you hoping to inspire?
Tionna: I want all my readers and supporters to feel enlightened, motivated, and on their grind when it come down to men and their money. You get a piece of me with every book and tv show. I just want you all to know that you have a sister within me who is not afraid to share her stories and listen to yours. Banging a dude who don't want you, been cheated on, or your catbag smell because you have a nasty infection...no judgements here. We all been there. I hope to inspire a nation of strong sisters, leaders, business woman, but most of all lovers. Thanks for having me and please tell your readers to follow me on Twitter. http://twitter.com/tionnasmalls. Also, buy my new book, "Men Love Abuse" which will be released on the 27th. They have exclusive copies on the Nook now so check me out. You can also buy my other book, Girl, Get Your Mind Right!" available everywhere books are sold.
Side note- thanks for the interview you are a magnificent writer and these questions are thought provoking
*Gasps* at her use of the term "catbag"!!! I told you she was raw and real!! Lol...
Thanks a million for the interview Tionna! I'm looking forward to a great read!
You can get your copies of "Girl Get Your Mind Right!" anywhere books are sold. "Men Love Abuse" will be available everywhere books are sold on 1/27 but is available now exclusively on Nook. Be certain to leave a review! You can check out Loveys at shoploveys.com or in person at 377 Marcus Garvey Blvd, Brooklyn, NY 11221. Follow Tionna on twitter @TionnaSmalls and Loveys @ShopLoveys.
I'm off to club this guy over the head and drag him back to my boudoir! After all men love abuse and from what I hear nice girls finish last...
Your questions WERE really good Ro! Great interview, thanks for sharing!!!
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